The Shinra Times |
President Shinra in Wall Market Scandal!
RUFUS Shinra was at the centre of a furious debate yesterday as he fended off allegations that his late father was a morally corrupt pervert.
The young President was interrupted as he unveiled the latest offering from Shinra's 'Peace Preservation' division, the 'Proud Clod', in a Sector 1 Conference in which he promised to crack down on anti-Shinra terrorists. The exhibition soon degenerated into a slanging match between the new head of Shinra and nearby members of the press. Thankfully, SOLDIER was on hand to place the troublemakers under arrest.
The attack came directly from the new proprietor of the Honey Bee Inn (a private men's club situated in Wall Market, shown right), known to the Shinra times as Kotch, who, in an unprovoked outburst, stated that the President would often indulge in 'dress-up' fantasies involving both himself, some of his closest employees and the 'staff' of the Honey Bee Inn. Mr Kotch's statements were his first to the press following the sudden disappearance of the charismatic 'Don' Corneo who vanished from Midgar earlier this month. He also stated that as well as being close to the 'Don', the president would also parade around the Inn wearing a Kings Robes and being escorted by two armoured henchmen.
The Shinra family and all members of the corporation deny all allegations and refused to comment on the issue any further.
Sector 5 officials fear that provoking the new President will lead to further military incursions into the slums adding to fears that Midgar's state of martial law will never end. In relation to this, the odds in Sector 4's betting lines stand at 5-1 that the Honey Bee Inn will be closed down within a week.
These latest allegations are now added to Shinra's recent embarrassing failure to capture terrorist group AVALANCHE as they fled Midgar earlier this week.
As to whether these events will affect President Shinra's election campaign remains to be seen, but the Shinra Times advises readers not to hold their breath.
Sector 7 Hopes Fade
Survivors of the Sector 7 tragedy were dismayed today to hear that their homes will never be rebuilt. The news came directly from Reeve, head of Midgar Urban Development, who stated in a broadcast yesterday that President Rufus Shinra does not currently have the ability to pay for the renewal.
In response to allegations that Shinra is deliberately ignoring Sector 7, President Shinra gave the following statement,
"I would like to offer my deepest condolences to the survivors of Sector 7 but Shinra Inc. cannot allocate the funds for the rebuilding the region in the foreseeable future."
The Shinra Times encourages all readers to donate to the Save Sector Seven Fund in the hopes that those who are left without homes and family can rebuild their lives.
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