How will the World End?
By F. Gehrig MIDGAR A pointless survey by the Independent Bureau of Statistics asked the citizens of Midgar how the World would end. The survey involved hundreds of citizens of various backgrounds over a period of two months. The results, released yesterday, were both startling and understandable. Tabulated results of the most popular ways of the World ending were: 72% - Mako exhaustion. 20% - Super-nova of the Sun. 6% - Alien invasion. 2% - miscellaneous. The shocking percentage of the Shinra Corporation is capable people believing the World will of fending off any invasion by end by Mako exhaustion can be aliens," assured Cornelius. attributed to the scare campaign "Besides, we have SOLDIER to of evil terrorist group AVALANCHE. protect us." The honourable Mayor of Midgar, If the Mayor of Midgar and the Domino, took a minute to speak to Scientific Division assure we are the Shinra Times by suggesting Mako safe from Mako exhaustion, reactors were completely safe. super-nova and alien invasion, what "Yes, the reactors are safe. Now must we fear then? excuse me, I have lunch to attend Cornelius provided his thoughts. to," declared Mayor Domino. "Personally, I'd fear the World So now you've heard. Mako being struck by a meteor or comet. reactors are SAFE. We lack the technology to detect The second most popular form of small objects in space until they apocalypse was a super-nova of the are too close." Sun. Members of the Scientific Your reporter went to the streets Division scoffed at this concept. of Midgar to see if people believed "The Sun won't explode for a meteor could indeed hit the another million years," stated Planet. spokesman Cornelius. "I wouldn't One Midgar resident voiced her lose any sleep over it." disapproval of the meteor theory. So the World is safe from the "The Mako reactors are my main Sun, for now. What about an alien concern," she stated. "I don't invasion? Scientific Division believe what the Scientific spokesman Cornelius also laughed Division says. Hah, what will they at the possibility. tell us next? Sephiroth has "I guarantee all citizens that returned to life? Unlikely."
Smoggy, 25C. Pollution medium.
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