Issue 2
The Shinra Times The Shinra Times
5 Gils

How will the World End?

World to be destroyed by a meteor? Fat chance, say Midgar residents.

By F. Gehrig

A pointless survey by the 
Independent Bureau of Statistics
asked the citizens of Midgar how
the World would end. The survey
involved hundreds of citizens of
various backgrounds over a period
of two months. The results, 
released yesterday, were both
startling and understandable.
  Tabulated results of the most
popular ways of the World ending

  72% - Mako exhaustion.
  20% - Super-nova of the Sun.
   6% - Alien invasion.
   2% - miscellaneous.

  The shocking percentage of              the Shinra Corporation is capable
people believing the World will           of fending off any invasion by
end by Mako exhaustion can be             aliens," assured Cornelius.
attributed to the scare campaign          "Besides, we have SOLDIER to
of evil terrorist group AVALANCHE.        protect us."
The honourable Mayor of Midgar,             If the Mayor of Midgar and the
Domino, took a minute to speak to         Scientific Division assure we are
the Shinra Times by suggesting Mako       safe from Mako exhaustion, 
reactors were completely safe.            super-nova and alien invasion, what
  "Yes, the reactors are safe. Now        must we fear then?
excuse me, I have lunch to attend           Cornelius provided his thoughts.
to," declared Mayor Domino.               "Personally, I'd fear the World
  So now you've heard. Mako               being struck by a meteor or comet.
reactors are SAFE.                        We lack the technology to detect
  The second most popular form of         small objects in space until they
apocalypse was a super-nova of the        are too close."
Sun. Members of the Scientific              Your reporter went to the streets
Division scoffed at this concept.         of Midgar to see if people believed
  "The Sun won't explode for              a meteor could indeed hit the
another million years," stated            Planet.
spokesman Cornelius. "I wouldn't            One Midgar resident voiced her
lose any sleep over it."                  disapproval of the meteor theory.
  So the World is safe from the           "The Mako reactors are my main
Sun, for now. What about an alien         concern," she stated. "I don't 
invasion? Scientific Division             believe what the Scientific
spokesman Cornelius also laughed          Division says. Hah, what will they
at the possibility.                       tell us next? Sephiroth has
  "I guarantee all citizens that          returned to life? Unlikely."

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